monkeys in space
NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.''
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff.''
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle seperated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to the astronaut...''
At this the astronaut shouted ''I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.''
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh!
Rabid dogs are useful
One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.
“I'm sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?”
“My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”
Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?”
To which the man replied, “Get in line.”